mrsrgrr

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Smile
tho'
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

Watching that video, at Michael Jackson's memorial service on the 6th of July, I realised that I am still grieving.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of the worst day of my life, the day my beloved nan died.

<a rel="nofollow" xhref=http://mrsrgrr.buzznet.com/user/journal/2945961/open-letter-heaven/ target="_blank">She was my inspiration and my hero.</a>

In these two years things have got easier, I find myself getting upset less and less frequently.

And yet, as I found watching Michael Jackson's memorial service and have previously found whilst doing other things, I cry my eyes out, grieving instead on behalf of the relatives of the deceased. It's a perculiar sensation, and I find myself doing it at everything. Grieving for me, and for others.

I can't listen to "Over the Rainbow". I'm devastated when TV characters die. I can't go past a funeral procession without filling up.

I miss her so much, and I feel that my memory is letting me down. Those neurons are destroying all I have left of her. And I currently have a lump in my throat I can barely breathe through.

<3 you Nan, rest in peace, wherever you are, I know you're watching.

<3